Guest Blogger Dept.: We haven’t heard from Robert Benchley since January, at which time he was addressing a very seasonal topic - a mid-winter sport carnival, to be exact. Wishing to assert himself as a man for all seasons, or at least the current temperate one, he offers this disquisition on bicycling.
THERE is a new sport this season which bids fair to have great popularity among the younger sets, a sport imported, as are so many of our outdoor games, from England, where it has had a great vogue for several years now. This sport is called “bicycling,” and derives its name from the instrument on which it is practiced—the “bicycle.” You will see that this word is made up of two words: “bi,” meaning “two,” and “cycle,” meaning wheel—“two wheels.” And such indeed it is, a veritable two-wheeled contraption, on which the rider sits and balances himself until he is able, by pushing two pedals arranged for the purpose, to propel the whole thing along the roadway at a great rate. And what a lark it is, too!
Drawing by Gluyas Williams |
You will also observe that the saddle is placed at just the right height from the pedals, so that the rider sits on it easily without having to stretch his legs out beyond their natural length—or, on the other hand, without having to contract them. When experiments were being made on the first bicycle by the inventor, it was thought that it would be necessary for anyone who was going to ride one of the things to stretch his legs out anywhere from one to four feet beyond their natural length in order to reach the pedals. The inventor was very much discouraged when he realized this, “for,” as he said to his partner, “there won’t be enough people in the world who can stretch their legs out from one to four feet to make any decent kind of sale for my machine at all.”So broken was he at the realization of this fact that he put this invention aside, and for the next three years he worked on the invention of the apple.
Then one day, as he was sitting in a swing on his lawn, he said to himself: “If the force of gravity is sufficient to swing this swing when I push with my feet, why can’t I overcome that difficulty in my bicycle by placing the pedals just a leg’s length from the saddle?” He rushed out to his workshop, where the discarded model of his bicycle had lain for so long, and proceeded to reconstruct it so that he could sit in the saddle and still reach the pedals without the necessity of stretching his legs.
Another novel feature of the bicycle is the wire rack for carrying books and luncheons. This is fastened right on the front, or “handlebars,” of the machine, and with it one is enabled to go out on picnics or reading parties in the woods, the only things then necessary being some luncheon or books to put into the rack, and woods to go to.
Now comes the technical part of this article—an explanation of how to ride the bicycle. For surely one must know how to ride a bicycle if one is to own one. And it is getting so that one must own a bicycle if one hopes to be anyone at all socially. Even a casual visitor at Newport, Rhode Island, will tell you how the craze has caught hold of the fast set there, until one is constantly in danger of being run down by millionaire bicyclists as one walks through the streets. It is even said that at some of the exclusive parties given in the villas there, the guests bring their bicycles right in with them and keep the clips on their trousers all during dinner. It is a mark of distinction to be seen with bicycle-clips on your trousers, for it indicates that you are “up with the times.”
The first thing that the prospective rider has to do is take position as indicated in the accompanying sketch. This involves standing upright with the bicycle leaning against the right hip, the right hand on the saddle, and the left hand on the left handlebar. The left foot is then placed on the left pedal and the rider waits. At a signal from the bugle (“Boots and Saddles” is usually played), the command ‘Mount!” is given. At this command the rider leans heavily against the bicycle, swings the right leg up, striking the saddle a smart blow with it, and crashing over on top of the machine, which will fall heavily at the same time in the same direction as the rider. Both rider and bicycle will lie in a heap until picked up by the attendant. Many riders will prefer to go home right then and there.
If you really want to be an expert bicyclist, however, you will try again. Take the same position as the one you took in the first place (Fig. 1) and practice swinging the right leg up over the saddle until you are finally able to clear it clean. This will land you in a sitting position, square on the saddle. Be sure that you are facing the right way (towards the handlebars), otherwise you will have trouble in steering and are likely to become dizzy.
Now here you are, seated in the saddle, with your right hand on the right handlebar and your left hand on the left handlebar, your right foot on the left pedal and your left foot on the right pedal. You must then bring yourself into a state of mind where you realize the necessity for pushing ahead. That is one thing about riding a bicycle. You can’t stand still once you are seated and ready to go. There are three ways for you to go—forward, over to the right, or over to the left. Let us say that at first you go over to the right side. This is the most popular side for beginners, as it carries out the arc begun in the process of mounting. Once you have fallen over to the right side, try the left. This will even things up and make you less lame the next day, or, at any rate, lame in nicely-balanced areas.
Once you have found the knack of going ahead, the thing is easy. Push with the feet against the pedals, bringing one up as the other goes down and vice versa. If you do this, you will suddenly perceive that the whole machine is moving forwards as if by magic, carrying you with it. Oh, the exhilaration of feeling yourself pushing forward through the air, like, or something like, a bird! No one who has experienced this thrill can conceive of its madness.
When you have ridden as far as you want to ride, the next thing to do is to stop. This is accomplished by heading for something firm, like a post or a large white house, and crashing into it head-on. You will then find that you have not only stopped, but that you are off, all in one continuous uninterrupted process.
This concludes our first lesson in bicycling. People may poke fun at you for taking up with the first crazy fad that comes along, and you may not like it at first, but remember that no one ever does anything who is not willing to lead the way and take a chance, and I am sure that the results in improved circulation and general health will more than repay you for the embarrassment of being a pioneer and a cripple.
– Robert Benchley, “Detroit Athletic Club News,” April 1925, pp 32-33; collected in Pluck and Luck, Henry Holt & Co., New York, 1925.
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