My Least-Favorite Things

From the Poetry Vault Dept.: I found an old essay of mine that I wrote with no eye to publication. I merely wanted to indulge my persistent grumpiness by analyzing a song parody to explain why it doesn’t work. 

                                                                                      

HERE’S THE PROBLEM with trying to parody someone like Oscar Hammerstein. You have to know the rules of scansion and rhyming. And you have to know how to set up a gag so the payoff is as effective as possible. There’s a parody of “My Favorite Things” that’s been around for a while, aimed at the aged (like me). But it reflects the poor craftsmanship of junior-league poets. Let’s see what we’re working with here:

The lyric is presented as “These are a few of my favorite things.” If it’s meant to be the title, the writer should know that the title is merely “My Favorite Things.”

It begins: “Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, 
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,”

But “fittings” and “knitting” don’t rhyme properly.

“Bundles of magazines tied up in string, 
These are a few of my favorite things.”