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Tuesday, January 07, 2014

The Heart of Marjorie Jones

Guest Blogger Dept.: A story by Booth Tarkington.

THIS LITTLE CARD, delicately engraved, betokened the hospitality incidental to the ninth birthday anniversary of Baby Rennsdale, youngest member of the Friday Afternoon Dancing Class, and, by the same token, it represented the total social activity (during that season) of a certain limited bachelor set consisting of Messrs. Penrod Schofield and Samuel Williams. The truth must be faced: Penrod and Sam were seldom invited to small parties; they were considered too imaginative. But in the case of so large an affair as Miss Rennsdale’s, the feeling that their parents would be sensitive outweighed fears of what Penrod and Sam might do at the party. Reputation is indeed a bubble, but sometimes it is blown of sticky stuff.

The comrades set out for the fête in company, final maternal outpourings upon deportment and the duty of dancing with the hostess evaporating in their freshly cleaned ears. Both boys, however, were in a state of mind, body, and decoration appropriate to the gala scene they were approaching. Their collars were wide and white; inside the pockets of their overcoats were glistening dancing-pumps, wrapped in tissue-paper; inside their jacket pockets were pleasant-smelling new white gloves, and inside their heads solemn timidity commingled with glittering anticipations. Before them, like a Christmas tree glimpsed through lace curtains, they beheld joy shimmering—music, ice-cream, macaroons, tinsel caps, and the starched ladies of their hearts Penrod and Sam walked demurely yet almost boundingly; their faces were shining but grave—they were on their way to the Party!

“Look at there!” said Penrod. “There’s Carlie Chitten!”

“Where?” Sam asked.

“’Cross the street. Haven’t you got any eyes?”

“Well, whyn’t you say he was ‘cross the street in the first place?” Sam returned plaintively. “Besides, he’s so little you can’t hardly see him.” This was, of course, a violent exaggeration, though Master Chitten, not yet eleven years old, was an inch or two short for his age. “He’s all dressed up,” Sam added. “I guess he must be invited.”

“I bet he does sumpthing,” said Penrod.

“I bet he does, too,” Sam agreed.

This was the extent of their comment upon the small person across the street; but, in spite of its non-committal character, the manner of both commentators seemed to indicate that they had just exchanged views upon an interesting and even curious subject. They walked along in silence for several minutes, staring speculatively at Master Chitten.

His appearance was pleasant and not remarkable. He was a handsome, dark little boy, with quick eyes and a precociously reserved expression; his air was “well-bred”; he was exquisitely neat, and he had a look of manly competence that grown people found attractive and reassuring. In short, he was a boy of whom a timid adult stranger would have inquired the way with confidence. And yet Sam and Penrod had mysterious thoughts about him—obviously there was something subterranean here.

They continued to look at him for the greater part of block, when, their progress bringing them in sight of Miss Amy Rennsdale’s place of residence their attention was directed to a group of men bearing festal burdens—encased violins, a shrouded harp and other beckoning shapes. There were signs, too, that most of “those invited” intended to miss no moment of this party; guests already indoors watched from the windows the approach of the musicians. Washed boys in black and white, and girls in tender colours converged from various directions, making gayly for the thrilling gateway—and the most beautiful little girl in all the world, Marjorie Jones, of the amber curls, jumped from a carriage step to the curbstone as Penrod and Sam came up. She waved to them.

Sam responded heartily; but Penrod, feeling real emotion and seeking to conceal it, muttered, “’Lo, Marjorie!” gruffly, offering no further demonstration. Marjorie paused a moment, expectant, and then, as he did not seize the opportunity to ask her for the first dance, she tried not to look disappointed and ran into the house ahead of the two boys. Penrod was scarlet; he wished to dance the first dance with Marjorie, and the second and the third and all the other dances, and he strongly desired to sit with her “at refreshments;” but he had been unable to ask for a single one of these privileges. It would have been impossible for him to state why he was thus dumb, although the reason was simple and wholly complimentary to Marjorie: she had looked so overpoweringly pretty that she had produced in the bosom of her admirer a severe case of stage fright. That was “all the matter with him;” but it was the beginning of his troubles, and he did not recover until he and Sam reached the “gentlemen’s dressing-room,” whither they were directed by a polite coloured man.

Here they found a cloud of acquaintances getting into pumps and gloves, and, in a few extreme cases, readjusting hair before a mirror. Some even went so far—after removing their shoes and putting on their pumps—as to wash traces of blacking from their hands in the adjacent bathroom before assuming their gloves. Penrod, being in a strange mood, was one of these, sharing the basin with little Maurice Levy.

“Carlie Chitten’s here,” said Maurice, as they soaped their hands.

“I guess I know it,” Penrod returned. “I bet he does sumpthing, too.”

Maurice shook his head ominously. “Well, I’m gettin’ tired of it. I know he was the one stuck that cold fried egg in P’fesser Bartet’s overcoat pocket at dancin’-school, and ole p’fesser went and blamed it on me. Then, Carlie, he cum up to me, th’ other day, and he says, ‘Smell my buttonhole bokay.’ He had some vi’lets stickin’ in his buttonhole, and I went to smell ‘em and water squirted on me out of ‘em. I guess I’ve stood about enough, and if he does another thing I don’t like, he better look out!”

Penrod showed some interest, inquiring for details, whereupon Maurice explained that if Master Chitten displeased him further, Master Chitten would receive a blow upon one of his features. Maurice was simple and homely about it, seeking rhetorical vigour rather than elegance; in fact, what he definitely promised Master Chitten was “a bang on the snoot.”

“Well,” said Penrod, “he never bothered ME any. I expect he knows too much for that!”

A cry of pain was heard from the dressing-room at this juncture, and, glancing through the doorway, Maurice and Penrod beheld Sam Williams in the act of sucking his right thumb with vehemence, the while his brow was contorted and his eyes watered. He came into the bathroom and held his thumb under a faucet.

“That darn little Carlie Chitten!” he complained. “He ast me to hold a little tin box he showed me. He told me to hold it between my thumb and fingers and he’d show me sumpthing. Then he pushed the lid, and a big needle came out of a hole and stuck me half through my thumb. That’s a NICE way to act, isn’t it?”

Carlie Chitten’s dark head showed itself cautiously beyond the casing of the door.

“How’s your thumb, Sam?” he asked.

“You wait!” Sam shouted, turning furiously; but the small prestidigitator was gone. With a smothered laugh, Carlie dashed through the groups of boys in the dressing-room and made his way downstairs, his manner reverting to its usual polite gravity before he entered the drawing-room, where his hostess waited. Music sounding at about this time, he was followed by the other boys, who came trooping down, leaving the dressing-room empty.

He made a mock bow and a mock apology, 
being inspired to invent a jargon phrase.
“Excuse me,” he said, at the same time making 
vocal his own  conception of a taunting laugh.
 “Excuse me, but I must ’a’ got your bumpus!”
Drawing by Worth Brehm
Penrod, among the tail-enders of the procession, made his dancing-school bow to Miss Rennsdale and her grown-up supporters (two maiden aunts and a governess) then he looked about for Marjorie, discovering her but too easily. Her amber curls were swaying gently in time to the music; she looked never more beautiful, and her partner was Master Chitten!

A pang of great penetrative power and equal unexpectedness found the most vulnerable spot beneath the simple black of Penrod Schofield’s jacket. Straightway he turned his back upon the crash-covered floors where the dancers were, and moved gloomily toward the hall. But one of the maiden aunts Rennsdale waylaid him.

“It’s Penrod Schofield, isn’t it?” she asked. “Or Sammy Williams? I’m not sure which. Is it Penrod?”

“Ma’am?” he said. “Yes’m.”

“Well, Penrod, I can find a partner for you. There are several dear little girls over here, if you’ll come with me.”

“Well—” He paused, shifted from one foot to the other, and looked enigmatic. “I better not,” he said. He meant no offence; his trouble was only that he had not yet learned how to do as he pleased at a party and, at the same time, to seem polite about it. “I guess I don’t want to,” he added.

“Very well!” And Miss Rennsdale instantly left him to his own devices.

He went to lurk in the wide doorway between the hall and the drawing-room—under such conditions the universal refuge of his sex at all ages. There he found several boys of notorious shyness, and stood with them in a mutually protective group. Now and then one of them would lean upon another until repelled by action and a husky “What’s matter ‘th you? Get off o’ me!” They all twisted their slender necks uneasily against the inner bands of their collars, at intervals, and sometimes exchanged facetious blows under cover. In the distance Penrod caught glimpses of amber curls flashing to and fro, and he knew himself to be among the derelicts.

He remained in this questionable sanctuary during the next dance; but, edging along the wall to lean more comfortably in a corner, as the music of the third sounded, he overheard part of a conversation that somewhat concerned him. The participants were the governess of his hostess, Miss Lowe, and that one of the aunts Rennsdale who had offered to provide him with a partner. These two ladies were standing just in front of him, unconscious of his nearness.

“I never,” Miss Rennsdale said, “never saw a more fascinating little boy than that Carlie Chitten. There’ll be some heartaches when he grows up; I can’t keep my eyes off him.”

“Yes; he’s a charming boy,” Miss Lowe said. “His manners are remarkable.”

“He’s a little man of the world,” the enthusiastic Miss Rennsdale went on, “very different from such boys as Penrod Schofield!”

“Oh, PENROD!” Miss Lowe exclaimed. “Good gracious!”

“I don’t see why he came. He declines to dance—rudely, too!”

“I don’t think the little girls will mind that so much!” Miss Lowe said. “If you’d come to the dancing class some Friday with Amy and me, you’d understand why.”

They moved away. Penrod heard his name again mentioned between them as they went, and, though he did not catch the accompanying remark, he was inclined to think it unfavourable. He remained where he was, brooding morbidly.

He understood that the government was against him, nor was his judgment at fault in this conclusion. He was affected, also, by the conduct of Marjorie, who was now dancing gayly with Maurice Levy, a former rival of Penrod’s. The fact that Penrod had not gone near her did not make her culpability seem the less; in his gloomy heart he resolved not to ask her for one single dance. He would not go near her. He would not go near ANY OF ‘EM!

His eyes began to burn, and he swallowed heavily; but he was never one to succumb piteously to such emotion, and it did not even enter his head that he was at liberty to return to his own home. Neither he nor any of his friends had ever left a party until it was officially concluded. What his sufferings demanded of him now for their alleviation was not departure but action!

Underneath the surface, nearly all children’s parties contain a group of outlaws who wait only for a leader to hoist the black flag. The group consists mainly of boys too shy to be at ease with the girls, but who wish to distinguish themselves in some way; and there are others, ordinarily well behaved, whom the mere actuality of a party makes drunken. The effect of music, too, upon children is incalculable, especially when they do not hear it often—and both a snare-drum and a bass drum were in the expensive orchestra at the Rennsdale party.

Nevertheless, the outlawry at any party may remain incipient unless a chieftain appears; but in Penrod’s corner were now gathering into one anarchical mood all the necessary qualifications for leadership. Out of that bitter corner there stepped, not a Penrod Schofield subdued and hoping to win the lost favour of the Authorities, but a hot-hearted rebel determined on an uprising.

Smiling a reckless and challenging smile, he returned to the cluster of boys in the wide doorway and began to push one and another of them about. They responded hopefully with counter-pushes, and presently there was a tumultuous surging and eddying in that quarter, accompanied by noises that began to compete with the music. Then Penrod allowed himself to be shoved out among the circling dancers, so that he collided with Marjorie and Maurice Levy, almost oversetting them.

He made a mock bow and a mock apology, being inspired to invent a jargon phrase.

“Excuse me,” he said, at the same time making vocal his own conception of a taunting laugh. “Excuse me, but I must ’a’ got your bumpus!”

Marjorie looked grieved and turned away with Maurice; but the boys in the doorway squealed with maniac laughter.

“Gotcher bumpus! Gotcher bumpus!” they shrilled. And they began to push others of their number against the dancing couples, shouting, “’Scuse me! Gotcher bumpus!”

It became a contagion and then a game. As the dances went on, strings of boys, led by Penrod, pursued one another across the rooms, howling, “Gotcher bumpus!” at the top of their lungs. They dodged and ducked, and seized upon dancers as shields; they caromed from one couple into another, and even into the musicians of the orchestra. Boys who were dancing abandoned their partners and joined the marauders, shrieking, “Gotcher bumpus!” Potted plants went down; a slender gilt chair refused to support the hurled body of Master Roderick Magsworth Bitts, and the sound of splintering wood mingled with other sounds. Dancing became impossible; Miss Amy Rennsdale wept in the midst of the riot, and everybody knew that Penrod Schofield had “started it.”

Under instructions, the leader of the orchestra, clapping his hands for attention, stepped to the centre of the drawing-room, and shouted,

“A moment silence, if you bleace!”

Slowly the hubbub ceased; the virtuous and the wicked paused alike in their courses to listen. Miss Amy Rennsdale was borne away to have her tearful face washed, and Marjorie Jones and Carlie Chitten and Georgie Bassett came forward consciously, escorted by Miss Lowe. The musician waited until the return of the small hostess; then he announced in a loud voice:

“A fency dence called ‘Les Papillons,’ denced by Miss Amy Rennstul, Miss Chones, Mister Chorch Passett, ant Mister Jitten. Some young chentlemen haf mate so much noise ant confoosion Miss Lowe wish me to ask bleace no more such a nonsense. Fency dence, ‘Les Papillons.’”

Thereupon, after formal salutations, Mr. Chitten took Marjorie’s hand, Georgie Bassett took Miss Rennsdale’s, and they proceeded to dance “Les Papillons” in a manner that made up in conscientiousness whatever it may have lacked in abandon. The outlaw leader looked on, smiling a smile intended to represent careless contempt, but in reality he was unpleasantly surprised. A fancy dance by Georgie Bassett and Baby Rennsdale was customary at every party attended by members of the Friday Afternoon Dancing Class; but Marjorie and Carlie Chitten were new performers, and Penrod had not heard that they had learned to dance “Les Papillons” together. He was the further embittered.

Carlie made a false step, recovering himself with some difficulty, whereupon a loud, jeering squawk of laughter was heard from the insurgent cluster, which had been awed to temporary quiet but still maintained its base in the drawing-room doorway. There was a general “SH!” followed by a shocked whispering, as well as a general turning of eyes toward Penrod. But it was not Penrod who had laughed, though no one would have credited him with an alibi. The laughter came from two throats that breathed as one with such perfect simultaneousness that only one was credited with the disturbance. These two throats belonged respectively to Samuel Williams and Maurice Levy, who were standing in a strikingly Rosencrantz-and-Guildenstern attitude.

“He got me with his ole tin-box needle, too,” Maurice muttered to Sam. “He was goin’ to do it to Marjorie, and I told her to look out, and he says, ‘Here, YOU take it!’ all of a sudden, and he stuck it in my hand so quick I never thought. And then, BIM! his ole needle shot out and perty near went through my thumb-bone or sumpthing. He’ll be sorry before this day’s over!”

“Well,” said Sam darkly, “he’s goin’ to be sorry he stuck ME, anyway!” Neither Sam nor Maurice had even the vaguest plan for causing the desired regret in the breast of Master Chitten; but both derived a little consolation from these prophecies. And they, too, had aligned themselves with the insurgents. Their motives were personal—Carlie Chitten had wronged both of them, and Carlie was conspicuously in high favour with the Authorities. Naturally Sam and Maurice were against the Authorities.

“Les Papillons” came to a conclusion. Carlie and Georgie bowed; Marjorie Jones and Baby Rennsdale curtesied, and there was loud applause. In fact, the demonstration became so uproarious that some measure of it was open to suspicion, especially as hisses of reptilian venomousness were commingled with it, and also a hoarse but vociferous repetition of the dastard words, “Carlie dances ROTTEN!” Again it was the work of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern; but the plot was attributed to another.

“SHAME, Penrod Schofield!” said both the aunts Rennsdale publicly, and Penrod, wholly innocent, became scarlet with indignant mortification. Carlie Chitten himself, however, marked the true offenders. A slight flush tinted his cheeks, and then, in his quiet, self-contained way, he slipped through the crowd of girls and boys, unnoticed, into the hall, and ran noiselessly up the stairs and into the “gentlemen’s dressing-room,” now inhabited only by hats, caps, overcoats, and the temporarily discarded shoes of the dancers. Most of the shoes stood in rows against the wall, and Carlie examined these rows attentively, after a time discovering a pair of shoes with patent leather tips. He knew them; they belonged to Maurice Levy, and, picking them up, he went to a corner of the room where four shoes had been left together under a chair. Upon the chair were overcoats and caps that he was able to identify as the property of Penrod Schofield and Samuel Williams; but, as he was not sure which pair of shoes belonged to Penrod and which to Sam, he added both pairs to Maurice’s and carried them into the bathroom. Here he set the plug in the tub, turned the faucets, and, after looking about him and discovering large supplies of all sorts in a wall cabinet, he tossed six cakes of green soap into the tub. He let the soap remain in the water to soften a little, and, returning to the dressing room, whiled away the time in mixing and mismating pairs of shoes along the walls, and also in tying the strings of the mismated shoes together in hard knots.

Throughout all this, his expression was grave and intent; his bright eyes grew brighter, but he did not smile. Carlie Chitten was a singular boy, though not unique: he was an “only child,” lived at a hotel, and found life there favourable to the development of certain peculiarities in his nature. He played a lone hand, and with what precocious diplomacy he played that curious hand was attested by the fact that Carlie was brilliantly esteemed by parents and guardians in general.

It must be said for Carlie that, in one way, his nature was liberal. For instance, having come upstairs to prepare a vengeance upon Sam and Maurice in return for their slurs upon his dancing, he did not confine his efforts to the belongings of those two alone. He provided every boy in the house with something to think about later, when shoes should be resumed; and he was far from stopping at that. Casting about him for some material that he desired, he opened a door of the dressing-room and found himself confronting the apartment of Miss Lowe. Upon a desk he beheld the bottle of mucilage he wanted, and, having taken possession of it, he allowed his eye the privilege of a rapid glance into a dressing table drawer, accidentally left open.

He returned to the dressing-room, five seconds later, carrying not only the mucilage but a “switch” worn by Miss Lowe when her hair was dressed in a fashion different from that which she had favoured for the party. This “switch” he placed in the pocket of a juvenile overcoat unknown to him, and then he took the mucilage into the bathroom. There he rescued from the water the six cakes of soap, placed one in each of the six shoes, pounding it down securely into the toe of the shoe with the handle of a back brush. After that, Carlie poured mucilage into all six shoes impartially until the bottle was empty, then took them back to their former positions in the dressing-room. Finally, with careful forethought, he placed his own shoes in the pockets of his overcoat, and left the overcoat and his cap upon a chair near the outer door of the room. Then he went quietly downstairs, having been absent from the festivities a little less than twelve minutes. He had been energetic—only a boy could have accomplished so much in so short a time. In fact, Carlie had been so busy that his forgetting to turn off the faucets in the bathroom is not at all surprising.

No one had noticed his absence. That infectious pastime, “Gotcher bumpus,” had broken out again, and the general dancing, which had been resumed upon the conclusion of “Les Papillons,” was once more becoming demoralized. Despairingly the aunts Rennsdale and Miss Lowe brought forth from the rear of the house a couple of waiters and commanded them to arrest the ringleaders, whereupon hilarious terror spread among the outlaw band. Shouting tauntingly at their pursuers, they fled—and bellowing, trampling flight swept through every quarter of the house.

Refreshments quelled this outbreak for a time. The orchestra played a march; Carlie Chitten and Georgie Bassett, with Amy Rennsdale and Marjorie, formed the head of a procession, while all the boys who had retained their sense of decorum immediately sought partners and fell in behind. The outlaws, succumbing to ice cream hunger, followed suit, one after the other, until all of the girls were provided with escorts. Then, to the moral strains of “The Stars and Stripes Forever,” the children paraded out to the dining-room. Two and two they marched, except at the extreme tail end of the line, where, since there were three more boys than girls at the party, the three left-over boys were placed. These three were also the last three outlaws to succumb and return to civilization from outlying portions of the house after the pursuit by waiters. They were Messieurs Maurice Levy, Samuel Williams, and Penrod Schofield.

They took their chairs in the capacious dining-room quietly enough, though their expressions were eloquent of bravado, and they jostled one another and their neighbours intentionally, even in the act of sitting. However, it was not long before delectable foods engaged their whole attention and Miss Amy Rennsdale’s party relapsed into etiquette for the following twenty minutes. The refection concluded with the mild explosion of paper “crackers” that erupted bright-coloured, fantastic headgear, and, during the snapping of the “crackers,” Penrod heard the voice of Marjorie calling from somewhere behind him, “Carlie and Amy, will you change chairs with Georgie Bassett and me—just for fun?” The chairs had been placed in rows, back to back, and Penrod would not even turn his head to see if Master Chitten and Miss Rennsdale accepted Marjorie’s proposal, though they were directly behind him and Sam; but he grew red and breathed hard. A moment later, the liberty-cap that he had set upon his head was softly removed, and a little crown of silver paper put in its place.


The whisper was close to his ear, and a gentle breath cooled the back of his neck.

“Well, what you want?” Penrod asked, brusquely.

Marjorie’s wonderful eyes were dark and mysterious, like still water at twilight.

“What makes you behave so AWFUL?” she whispered.

“I don’t either! I guess I got a right to do the way I want to, haven’t I?”

“Well, anyway,” said Marjorie, “you ought to quit bumping into people so it hurts.”

“Poh! It wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“Yes, it did. It hurt when you bumped Maurice and me that time.”

“It didn’t either. WHERE’D it hurt you? Let’s see if it—”

“Well, I can’t show you, but it did. Penrod, are you going to keep on?”

Penrod’s heart had melted within him; but his reply was pompous and cold. “I will if I feel like it, and I won’t if I feel like it. You wait and see.”

But Marjorie jumped up and ran around to him abandoning her escort. All the children were leaving their chairs and moving toward the dancing-rooms; the orchestra was playing dance-music again.

“Come on, Penrod!” Marjorie cried. “Let’s go dance this together. Come on!”

With seeming reluctance, he suffered her to lead him away. “Well, I’ll go with you; but I won’t dance,” he said “I wouldn’t dance with the President of the United States”

“Why, Penrod?”

“Well—because well, I won’t DO it!”

“All right. I don’t care. I guess I’ve danced plenty, anyhow. Let’s go in here.” She led him into a room too small for dancing, used ordinarily by Miss Amy Rennsdale’s father as his study, and now vacant. For a while there was silence; but finally Marjorie pointed to the window and said shyly:

“Look, Penrod, it’s getting dark. The party’ll be over pretty soon, and you’ve never danced one single time!”

“Well, I guess I know that, don’t I?”

He was unable to cast aside his outward truculence though it was but a relic. However, his voice was gentler, and Marjorie seemed satisfied. From the other rooms came the swinging music, shouts of “Gotcher bumpus!” sounds of stumbling, of scrambling, of running, of muffled concus signs and squeals of dismay. Penrod’s followers were renewing the wild work, even in the absence of their chief.

“Penrod Schofield, you bad boy,” said Marjorie, “you started every bit of that! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he said—and he believed it. “Pick on me for everything!”

“Well, they wouldn’t if you didn’t do so much,” said Marjorie.

“They would, too.”

“They wouldn’t, either. Who would?”

“That Miss Lowe,” he specified bitterly. “Yes, and Baby Rennsdale’s aunts. If the house’d burn down, I bet they’d say Penrod Schofield did it! Anybody does anything at ALL, they say, ‘Penrod Schofield, shame on you!’ When you and Carlie were dan—“

“Penrod, I just hate that little Carlie Chitten. P’fesser Bartet made me learn that dance with him; but I just hate him.”

Penrod was now almost completely mollified; nevertheless, he continued to set forth his grievance. “Well, they all turned around to me and they said, ‘Why, Penrod Schofield, shame on you!’ And I hadn’t done a single thing! I was just standin’ there. They got to blame ME, though!”

Marjorie laughed airily. “Well, if you aren’t the foolishest—”

“They would, too,” he asserted, with renewed bitterness. “If the house was to fall down, you’d see! They’d all say—”

Marjorie interrupted him. She put her hand on the top of her head, looking a little startled.

“What’s that?” she said.

“What’s what?”

“Like rain!” Marjorie cried. “Like it was raining in here! A drop fell on my—”

“Why, it couldn’t—” he began. But at this instant a drop fell upon his head, too, and, looking up, they beheld a great oozing splotch upon the ceiling. Drops were gathering upon it and falling; the tinted plaster was cracking, and a little stream began to patter down and splash upon the floor. Then there came a resounding thump upstairs, just above them, and fragments of wet plaster fell.

“The roof must be leaking,” said Marjorie, beginning to be alarmed.

“Couldn’t be the roof,” said Penrod. “Besides there ain’t any rain outdoors.”

As he spoke, a second slender stream of water began to patter upon the floor of the hall outside the door.

“Good gracious!” Marjorie cried, while the ceiling above them shook as with earthquake—or as with boys in numbers jumping, and a great uproar burst forth overhead.

“I believe the house IS falling down, Penrod!” she quavered.

“Well, they’ll blame ME for it!” he said. “Anyways, we better get out o’ here. I guess sumpthing must be the matter.”

His guess was accurate, so far as it went. The dance-music had swung into “Home Sweet Home” some time before, the children were preparing to leave, and Master Chitten had been the first boy to ascend to the gentlemen’s dressing-room for his cap, overcoat and shoes, his motive being to avoid by departure any difficulty in case his earlier activities should cause him to be suspected by the other boys. But in the doorway he halted, aghast.

The lights had not been turned on; but even the dim windows showed that the polished floor gave back reflections no floor-polish had ever equalled. It was a gently steaming lake, from an eighth to a quarter of an inch deep. And Carlie realized that he had forgotten to turn off the faucets in the bathroom.

For a moment, his savoir faire deserted him, and he was filled with ordinary, human-boy panic. Then, at a sound of voices behind him, he lost his head and rushed into the bathroom. It was dark, but certain sensations and the splashing of his pumps warned him that the water was deeper in there. The next instant the lights were switched on in both bathroom and dressing-room, and Carlie beheld Sam Williams in the doorway of the former.

“Oh, look, Maurice!” Sam shouted, in frantic excitement. “Somebody’s let the tub run over, and it’s about ten feet deep! Carlie Chitten’s sloshin’ around in here. Let’s hold the door on him and keep him in!”

Carlie rushed to prevent the execution of this project; but he slipped and went swishing full length along the floor, creating a little surf before him as he slid, to the demoniac happiness of Sam and Maurice. They closed the door, however, and, as other boys rushed, shouting and splashing, into the flooded dressing-room, Carlie began to hammer upon the panels. Then the owners of shoes, striving to rescue them from the increasing waters, made discoveries.

The most dangerous time to give a large children’s party is when there has not been one for a long period. The Rennsdale party had that misfortune, and its climax was the complete and convulsive madness of the gentlemen’s dressing-room during those final moments supposed to be given to quiet preparations, on the part of guests, for departure.

In the upper hall and upon the stairway, panic-stricken little girls listened, wild-eyed, to the uproar that went on, while waiters and maid servants rushed with pails and towels into what was essentially the worst ward in Bedlam. Boys who had behaved properly all afternoon now gave way and joined the confraternity of lunatics. The floors of the house shook to tramplings, rushes, wrestlings, falls and collisions. The walls resounded to chorused bellowings and roars. There were pipings of pain and pipings of joy; there was whistling to pierce the drums of ears; there were hootings and howlings and bleatings and screechings, while over all bleated the heathen battle-cry incessantly: “GOTCHER BUMPUS! GOTCHER BUMPUS!” For the boys had been inspired by the unusual water to transform Penrod’s game of “Gotcher bumpus” into an aquatic sport, and to induce one another, by means of superior force, dexterity, or stratagems, either to sit or to lie at full length in the flood, after the example of Carlie Chitten.

One of the aunts Rennsdale had taken what charge she could of the deafened and distracted maids and waiters who were working to stem the tide, while the other of the aunts Rennsdale stood with her niece and Miss Lowe at the foot of the stairs, trying to say good-night reassuringly to those of the terrified little girls who were able to tear themselves away. This latter aunt Rennsdale marked a dripping figure that came unobtrusively, and yet in a self-contained and gentlemanly manner, down the stairs.

“Carlie Chitten!” she cried. “You poor dear child, you’re soaking! To think those outrageous little fiends wouldn’t even spare YOU!” As she spoke, another departing male guest came from behind Carlie and placed in her hand a snakelike article—a thing that Miss Lowe seized and concealed with one sweeping gesture.

“It’s some false hair somebody must of put in my overcoat pocket,” said Roderick Magsworth Bitts. “Well, ‘g-night. Thank you for a very nice time.”

“Good-night, Miss Rennsdale,” said Master Chitten demurely. “Thank you for a—”

But Miss Rennsdale detained him. “Carrie,” she said earnestly, “you’re a dear boy, and I know you’ll tell me something. It was all Penrod Schofield, wasn’t it?”

“You mean he left the—”

“I mean,” she said, in a low tone, not altogether devoid of ferocity. “I mean it was Penrod who left the faucets running, and Penrod who tied the boys’ shoes together, and filled some of them with soap and mucilage, and put Miss Lowe’s hair in Roddy Bitts’s overcoat. No; look me in the eye, Carlie! They were all shouting that silly thing he started. Didn’t he do it?”

Carlie cast down thoughtful eyes. “I wouldn’t like to tell, Miss Rennsdale,” he said. “I guess I better be going or I’ll catch cold. Thank you for a very nice time.”

“There!” said Miss Rennsdale vehemently, as Carlie went on his way. “What did I tell you? Carlie Chitten’s too manly to say it, but I just KNOW it was that terrible Penrod Schofield.”

Behind her, a low voice, unheard by all except the person to whom it spoke, repeated a part of this speech: “What did I tell you?”

This voice belonged to one Penrod Schofield.

Penrod and Marjorie had descended by another stairway, and he now considered it wiser to pass to the rear of the little party at the foot of the stairs. As he was still in his pumps, his choked shoes occupying his overcoat pockets, he experienced no difficulty in reaching the front door, and getting out of it unobserved, although the noise upstairs was greatly abated. Marjorie, however, made her curtseys and farewells in a creditable manner.

“There!” Penrod said again, when she rejoined him in the darkness outside. “What did I tell you? Didn’t I say I’d get the blame of it, no matter if the house went and fell down? I s’pose they think I put mucilage and soap in my own shoes.”

Marjorie delayed at the gate until some eagerly talking little girls had passed out. The name “Penrod Schofield” was thick and scandalous among them.

“Well,” said Marjorie, “I wouldn’t care, Penrod. ‘Course, about soap and mucilage in YOUR shoes, anybody’d know some other boy must of put ‘em there to get even for what you put in his.”

Penrod gasped.

“But I DIDN’T!” he cried. “I didn’t do ANYTHING! That ole Miss Rennsdale can say what she wants to, I didn’t do—”

“Well, anyway, Penrod,” said Marjorie, softly, “they can’t ever PROVE it was you.”

He felt himself suffocating in a coil against which no struggle availed.

“But I never DID it!” he wailed, helplessly. “I never did anything at all!”

She leaned toward him a little, and the lights from her waiting carriage illumined her dimly, but enough for him to see that her look was fond and proud, yet almost awed.

“Anyway, Penrod,” she whispered, “I don’t believe there’s any other boy in the whole world could of done HALF as much!”

And with that, she left him, and ran out to the carriage.

But Penrod remained by the gate to wait for Sam, and the burden of his sorrows was beginning to lift. In fact, he felt a great deal better, in spite of his having just discovered why Marjorie loved him.

Cosmopolitan, October 1915. Reprinted in Penrod and Sam, Doubleday, Page & Co., NY, 1916.

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