The (Old) New Gadgets of Porn

You Wrote What!? Dept.: Before you stake me to a Presidential bid, allow me to unlock my closet. The skeleton therein – well, I suppose it’s pretty tame stuff. I spent some years, some years back, writing for a number of unsavory magazines as newsstand smut breathed its last. Aside from an excellent editor who remains a good friend, not much from that experience remains current. As you’ll see below. I wrote about computers for D-CUP magazine, trying to help my one-handed readers make the most of the changing technology. Which has completely changed again since then. This is part two of a three-part series; I cannibalized the first part for a Metroland piece you can see here.

                                                                                 

BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS when every decent community had a porno theater – and porno movies were shot on film – some titles were released in 3D. This was once hoped to be the salvation of movies in general, as evening television grabbed more and more of the viewing public, so it was only natural that the technique was tried out with X-rated movies. You wore those goofy red lens-blue lens glasses, of course, and were treated to the fuzzy spectacle of arms, legs, and breasts popping out at you.

But nothing topped the payoff, the “money shot,” as it’s fondly known. The leading man, nearing the literal climax of the scene, withdrew, turned, aimed ... and everyone in the theater ducked.

You had a sense of being right there, even if it also meant that you feared you were in the way. Although the comings and goings of porno videos is much more mundane, computers and network technology promise to usher in a new age of interactive smut.

In the previous issue of D-CUP we looked at ways of tailoring an interactive experience to your special preferences. But what hardware – apart from the obvious – will you be using in this pursuit?

Computers themselves continue to get smaller, faster, cheaper. Not cheap, of course – it seems like the ideal machine always costs between $3,000 and $5,000 – but the hardware you’re buying is astonishingly powerful, capable now of running full-motion video that looks as good as broadcast television.

At recent trade shows, I’ve inspected color palmtop computers, recordable CD-ROM devices, digital cameras, speedy cellular modems – all the gadgets you need to multimedia-ize yourself. What’s not talked about is where sex fits in. But that’s my job.

The most formidable new gadget, of course, is the Internet. Plug in and you’re linked to vast network of other users and the various pages and programs they’ve posted. Including the wares of lots of sex emporia. From naughty photos to live video encounters with attractive models, you’ll never be lonely with a fast computer, a credit card, and the Internet.

But we’re moving beyond that. Television and the Internet are eyeing each other’s property. As better cable systems get into our houses, the face of delivered entertainment will change.

Today’s live-action video, for example, is a low-resolution foretaste of what’s to come. Typing back and forth with the woman you’re watching is pretty lame. You can’t talk right now because that’s too much information for current systems to carry. It won’t be long, though, before we finally get the long-promised picturephone service – whether it’s an Internet service or the phone company finally gets the technology correct.

That means you’ll be able to phone your wife and/or girlfriend and striptease for one another, which means that the commercial services will have to provide something even better. I’m sure it won’t be cheap – at least at first – but you’ll be able to dial up the big-busted phone sex starlet of your choice and request a live, intimate performance.

TV viewing may not be as individually tailored, but it’ll come close. We’ll start seeing the first high-definition television (HDTV) sets in this country by the middle of next year, and broadcasters will slowly switch to the format – giving a much crisper picture on a wider screen. So it’ll look and sound better, for starters. With cable services going interactive, you’ll be able to request movies of your choice, and the providers will be able to suggest titles according to your viewing habits. Just get all those synonyms for “large” and “breast” in my profile, thank you.

CD-ROMs are changing. We’re now seeing the first titles in a higher-capacity format that will give clearer pictures and lots more information. If they’re expensive at first, don’t despair. Some cable services will be able to offer interactive CD-ROM titles, so you’ll get those fancy graphics piped in from elsewhere. Will you be watching it on a computer or a TV? The distinction will vanish. It’ll be “the screen.”

What do you enjoy most about this magazine? The photos are great, sure, and there are certain expressions, certain poses, certain ways those bosoms arrange themselves that fire the imagination and crank your pulse a little higher. But the commentary and interviews help bring the models closer to you and make them a little more real.

How much more real would you like to go? The most compelling computer innovation as far as sex is concerned will be the virtual reality rigs. Fit a special helmet over your head, focus each eye on a small TV picture and study the environment. If it’s game software, you see the playing environment. Look up and you see the sky. Look down at your feet.

The brain refuses to accept it at first, but the senses overwhelm the brain’s argument. What makes the reality so virtual is that imagination still has to kick in. Now, I have yet to see virtual reality porno titles, but I’m sure they’re in progress somewhere.

Imagine pushing open the doors on the hottest strip club in town. You hear the music and see the dancers. Put your hand out – you’re wearing a special glove that indicates movement – and you’ll swear you’re touching her, which is generally farther than you can go in a strip club.

But imagine now that she’s talking to you. Asking you questions. Like a good interactive CD-ROM, your experience depends on how well you answer. What’s the payoff? You get a whole lot more than a striptease from her. The technology is already here, but various pieces of machinery will have to be combined and computer coordinated.

Obviously, this futuristic stuff will need to be tested, and I promise to get myself in the technology trenches as soon as possible. Not quite the robot of your dreams, but maybe this will be the next best thing. I’m not suggesting that this will make marriage obsolete, but you’ll be able to be much more choosy.

– D-CUP, Holiday (December) 1996